關於 yes i lost my mind ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

#notarantbutaCONFESSION

Mummy said she’s on the verge of breaking down…
𝙎𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙙𝙚𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. Woke up every 2 hours to pump/ breastfeed is really crazy. By the time I’m done, I’m probably left with another 30 mins or so for the next session. I’m not sure how some mothers can sleep in between sessions 😔 I skipped 1-2 session so that I can sleep but usually end up with engorged breast. I don’t even need any alarm to wake me up 😵‍💫

𝙁𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙜𝙪𝙚. On daily pain killer 💊 is a must for me in order for bae to do my wound dressing. It is cleaned twice a day. It’s an open wound, cut vertically on my existing scar. 🩸Fresh pink/ red flesh can be seen on my lower abdomen but so far I had probably only seen it less than 5 times. I left the details to hubby 🙋🏻‍♂️and he’ll summarize for me whether my condition is improving or worsen bcs I have very weak heart seeing “bloody-gruesome” wound like this. But so far, thankfully, it’s healing well. 🙏🏻 It’s been 2 weeks since, doc told me I need a minimum 1 month for the wound to “close up”. Let’s hope for the best!💯

𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣. Despite staying indoor and ordered everything online, number of Covid cases is still on the high side. 😒 Hospitals are running out of bed, front liners are breaking down. Many committed suicide because of the continuous lockdown (failed gov). Rakyat are suffering. 💔 Me too, the need to socialize and to dine out on my fav food is so far-fetched (Impossible! Unrealistic!) with the current situation. But everyone in Malaysia has been like this since, what? last year? I even lost count of the time. 😢 But I know it has been like this for a very very very long time… Trapped at home for way too long felt like living in hell! Did we all just wasted our lives for the past 2 years waiting for our gov to make things better! Sigh… I only saw how things got worse! 😮‍💨

𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙧 𝘼𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙚. One of the reason is due to my wound too. 🤕 And with weaker body, contributes to weaker state of mind too due to restricted movement etc. Confinement food is also not what I enjoy when I was having poor appetite 🤢. Still prefer food which offer balance meals and variety. 👩🏻‍⚕️Yes, doc said I have no food restriction after I clarified with them. I even showered daily bcs of my visit to NICU and hospital for the first two weeks🏥, followed by my admission in hosp due to my csec wound. Hygiene is very important 🛀, especially during the pandemic. ⚠️ I do not want to bring any viruses home to my family. 🦠 Not at all.

𝙂𝘿𝙈. Gestational diabetes is high blood sugar (glucose) 📝 that develops during pregnancy and usually disappears after giving birth. I was on controlled diet 🍛 throughout my pregnancy and I will have to take another test this August to confirm if GDM still exist. And because of this, I’m also a lil bit depressed 😪 bcs I can’t reward myself with some good dessert or ice creams!🍦 This is the real zero quality of life when you don’t get to enjoy life up to your liking/ preference 🖤! Not when you’re a foodie right! Sorry for the zero update on my food ig @𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙨_𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨 too! 🥵

I just hope all the bad and unhappy times will be over soon. 👎 This is not a rant, just a confession of what’s really going on in my pregnancy journey🤰🏻. Not all motherhood journey is a bed of roses. But comparing this to my cancer journey, this is definitely much better 🍀. Because out of the pain and misery, I have Isabelle with me 👶🏻. She’s healthy, sweet, adorable and quite manageable so far. Just a lil bit out of control when she’s hungry🍼! Hahaha! I’m mastering it soon on how to deal with her tantrum 😆 Just offer her the boobies🤱🏻!

𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚! 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙪𝙢𝙥𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙪𝙥 𝙮𝙚𝙖! 𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥 𝙖𝙩 𝙖 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧. 𝙒𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖 𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙖 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙞 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙣! 𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩! 𝙉𝙤 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙝! 𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 ❤️ 𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 💋

🌈 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦! 💛

#babyisabelleNQY #fullybreastfeed

我很少在車上掉淚，很少。但是，上週的在休息站一次短暫的停泊，我哭了。
這是一趟從台南開往新竹的長途車程，在高速公路上我收聽著最近愛上的 Podcast 節目〈劉軒的 How to 人生學〉，我剛好聽到這集「EP35 | 如何把自己準備好，面對重要的那一刻」，主持人劉軒用厚實又帶磁性的聲音介紹了一段 American Got Talent 選秀節目的動人歌唱演出。
節目中介紹的這位參賽歌手，她的故事深深吸引了我，我已經等不及開到新竹再看這段原始影片。因此找了最近的清水休息站下去停泊，然後我在 YouTube 上搜尋到了這段影片。
影音圖文好讀 https://readingoutpost.com/nightbirde-its-ok/
.
她的名字叫 #Nightbirde

一位三十歲的女歌手 Jane Marczweski 踏上了舞台，她的外表顯得比平常人消瘦，剪了頭俐落的短髮，臉上充滿開朗的笑容，眼神中流露著一種從容的光彩。她向評審介紹了自己的名字：「當我唱歌的時候我叫『Nightbirde』」，她要為現場帶來一首自己的原創曲目「It’s OK」。

這首歌是在描述她過去一年充滿煎熬的生活。她已經好幾年沒有工作，因為她第三次被醫生診斷出癌症，而且只有 2% 的生存機率，就連她的先生也已經離她而去。上一次的診斷結果顯示，癌細胞散落在她的肺臟、肝臟和脊椎，情況似乎不太樂觀。

她搬到了加州接受治療，在她內心最脆弱、而且飽受煎熬的時候，她常常夢到一個畫面：在夜晚的窗外總是有一隻鳥在唱歌。她希望，自己能夠成為那隻在黑夜中歌唱的鳥兒，並且深信黎明中就會到來。這段故事就是她取名 Nightbirde 的由來。

評審聽完她的情況之後，皺起眉頭關心她的身體狀況，問了她：「所以妳…並不OK吧？」她微笑答道：「嗯…並不是每個方面都這樣。」

她很感謝評審讚美她充滿笑容、容光煥發的樣子，看不太出來是一位癌症病患，她堅定地說出這句充滿力量的話：「重要的是，每個人都知道，我比我碰到的那些『壞遭遇』還來得豐富的多（I am so much more than the bad things that happen to me.）」

接著，隨著旋律響起，她正式開始唱歌：「我在夏天的時候搬到加州，我換了一個新名字因為我認為這會改變我的想法……」

她的歌聲清脆響亮，臉上總是不忘微笑，在舞台自信、從容地唱著。我跟著歌曲的旋律擺動，聽著歌詞裡的故事，再想到她曾經的遭遇，心頭替她感到開心的同時，又充滿她跟病魔對抗的糾結。

我反覆播放這首歌，聽著她既勇敢堅強又充滿脆弱的自白，淚水已經沾濕了我的臉頰。「沒關係、沒關係、沒關係、沒關係，如果你感到迷失，有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的。（It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok. If you’re lost, we’re all a little lost and it’s alright）」

歌曲結束後，評審紛紛表達對這首歌的喜歡，也不斷讚賞她如天使般的聲線，更難能可貴的是她表達出徹底的「真誠」（authenticity）。毒舌評審 Simon Cowell 這次不再批判，他溫柔地說出了他對 她的真誠感到共鳴，也對她的遭遇想表達些同情。

正當他欲言又止的時候，Nightbirde 用清澈的聲音在鏡頭外說了這句：「你不能等到生活不再艱難時，才選擇快樂。（You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.）」

當下，這句話直接穿透了我的內心，也震撼了還在猶豫著要說什麼的 Simon。他如同被雷擊中一般，瞪大了雙眼，彷彿突然領悟了什麼似的。他回過神來，淡淡地說：「今年節目裡已經有很多很棒的歌手了」，他接著說：「所以，我不會給妳這個 Yes。」全場為之譁然，Nightbirde 抿起了雙唇。

在觀眾一陣喧嘩後，Simon 站起身：「所以我要給你一點別的東西。」他大手一揮按下了直通決賽的最高榮譽「黃金按鈕」 （Golen Buzzer），全場轟聲雷動，金色彩帶從天而降，在台上的 Nightbirde 激動地掩面跪地，這個不可置信的時刻，讓包含我在內的所有人都為之沸騰了。

#這是一個充滿脆弱的故事。我們不必假裝堅強，就像 Nightbirde 把自己的脆弱唱進歌曲一樣，她想把問題拋諸到腦後，但終究理解到「我以為我認識自己，但我猜自己只是撒了個謊」。她放下了別人的眼光，把自己的脆弱和無助展現出來，就算結果不如人意又如何？沒關係，一切都會 OK 的。

#這是一個充滿希望的故事。面對僅僅 2% 的逆境機率，卻不改她那喜歡歌唱的初心，整首歌更展現出她對生命「無比的堅韌」。就像在夜晚歌唱的鳥兒，即使天色漆黑不明，彷彿整個世界已被恐懼和艱難給覆蓋，仍然勇敢高歌唱出企盼黎明的希望。沒關係，一切都會 OK 的。

#這也是一個充滿選擇的故事。這外表看似清秀、俐落和陽光的她，背後卻有著這段坎坷的故事。但是，那些「壞的遭遇」並不代表全部的我們，我們可以選擇自己面對生命的態度，無論有多少艱難在前方等著我們，我們都可以選擇現在就樂觀以對，對吧？沒關係，一切都會 OK 的。

我相信，每個人都有自己要橫跨的沙漠，每個人都有自己要克服的難關，你覺得呢？

待眼淚乾了，我駛出休息站，即使腦中千頭萬緒，但總要前往下一段旅程。沒關係，一切都會 OK 的。

-

“It’s OK” by Nightbirde – 影片來源 YouTube、歌詞來源 Genius

[Verse 1]
I moved to California in the summertime
I changed my name thinking that it would change my mind
I thought that all my problems, they would stay behind
I was a stick of dynamite and it just was a matter of time, yeah

我在夏季搬到加利福尼亞
我改變了我的名字，以為這會改變我的想法
我以為所有的問題都會被拋諸腦後
我是一綑不定時炸藥，這只是時間問題

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh dang, oh my, now I can’t hide
Said I knew myself but I guess I lied

哦，哦，現在我已經無法隱藏
我以為我認識自己，但我猜自己只是撒了個謊

[Chorus]
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright

沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的。
沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的。

[Post-Chrous]
(It’s alright, it’s alright)
It’s alright, it’s alright

（沒關係，沒關係）
沒關係，沒關係

[Verse 2]
I wrote a hundred pages but I burned ‘em all (Uh I, I burned ‘em all)
I blow through yellow lights and don’t look back at all (Uh, I don’t look back at all)
Yeah, you can call me reckless, I’m a cannonball (Uh, I’m a cannonball)
Don’t know why I take the tightrope and cry when I fall

我寫了一百頁，但我把它們全燒掉了（呃，我全燒掉了）
我頭也不回地闖過了黃燈（呃，我不會再回頭）
是的，你可以說我是魯莽，我就是一顆砲彈（呃，我是一顆砲彈）
不知道為什麼，在最失落的時候，我拿著繩索哭了起來

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh dang, oh my, now I can’t hide
Said I knew what I wanted but I guess I lied

哦，哦，現在我已經無法隱藏
我以為我認識自己，但我猜自己只是撒了個謊

[Chorus]
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright

沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的
沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的

[Post-Chrous]
(It’s alright, it’s alright)
It’s alright, it’s alright
(It’s alright, it’s alright)
It’s alright, it’s alright

（沒關係，沒關係）
沒關係，沒關係

[Bridge]
Oh-oh-oh-oh, it’s alright
Oh-oh-oh-oh, it’s alright
Oh-oh-oh-oh, it’s alright
Oh-oh-oh-oh, it’s alright
To be lost sometimes

哦，哦，哦，哦，沒關係
哦，哦，哦，哦，沒關係
哦，哦，哦，哦，沒關係
哦，哦，哦，哦，沒關係
有時候感到迷失沒關係

[Chorus]
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright

沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的
沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的

[Chorus]
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok (Ohhh)
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok (Ohhh)
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright

沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的
沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的

[Outro]
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright

沒關係，沒關係，沒關係，沒關係
如果你感到迷失
有時候我們都有點迷失，但一切都會好的

So.. here we are again…
Round 2 of the CMCO.
How are you guys holding up?
Just checking, ya know…

I remember when the lockdown happened in March, it took everyone by storm and surprise.
All of us were affected in a multitude of ways. One thing I am pretty sure we all shared and experienced was.. fear.
Fear of what’s to come, fear of loss of income, fear of the uncertainties, the health of our loved ones, our freedom being taken away and the list goes on..

I’ve always been an active person who greatly enjoys the outdoors. Staying alone during the lockdown pretty much drove me up the wall. I felt restless, had trouble sleeping and sometimes, lost sense of purpose in life.

And then, Kevin texted me out of the blue and asked if I was interested to do online personal training with him and I immediately said yes!

We trained a couple of times a week with minimum equipment, but the sessions were something that I really looked forward to. It made time fly by faster, set a routine to my mundane schedule, disciplined me and got me back on track to taking care of my body, mind and soul.

The beautiful thing about exercising is that it is a natural mood booster and it improves your ability to deal with stress. It doesn’t make your problems go away. But it can surely help you think clearer as it improves your mood.

In times like these, when the gyms are unfortunately not allowed to operate, it’s easy for us to slack.

But having a personal trainer to keep you accountable and to call you out when you’re unmotivated and fail to stick to your fitness plan makes a huge difference!

This is why we at @movementdynamicsfit have decided to offer 1 month free personal training to 2 winners to equip them with the knowledge required to work towards their goals and become relentless in pursuing them.

Having a coach during trying times like these has helped me mentally and physically. I came out of the lockdown so much stronger and I hope Movement Dynamics can do the same for you too 😊

Please head over to our IG page @movementdynamicsfit to find out how you can stand a chance to win this giveaway!
Good luck!✌🏽

1990年，「同性戀」已經被世界衛生組織移除疾病範疇，「同性戀不是病」已是醫學界的共識。

同性戀傾向。或稱同性愛、同性吸引等。女同性戀(Lesbian)、男同性戀(Gay)及跨性別女同性戀(Transles)、跨性別男同性戀(Transgay)為性取向的種類，是相同社會性別/心理性別(Gender)之間的個體產生愛慕、情感、性吸引及性行為吸引的現象。

現代科學研究顯示，各種少數性傾向(男同性性傾向、女同性性傾向、雙性性傾向)和精神病理不存在任何內在聯繫，故同性戀不是一種精神疾病或心理障礙，只是一種不同於大多數人，特殊的性傾向。其實同性戀和是異性戀一樣存在，所以按照自然社會定理同性戀是一種普通的性傾向。

由於世界各國文化、宗教的差異，導致世界各國至今對同性戀人群還存有爭議。中世紀的歐洲，受天主教的影響，民眾遵從教會定義，認為同性戀違反神意是犯罪的。古代的中國，「孌童始於黃帝」，「男風」在歷朝歷代時常盛行，作為占據主導地位的儒家思想，對同性戀多持的中庸的態度。只是從倫理道德方面發表看法。相對於中世紀歐洲的嚴苛，直接用文字和法律規定殘殺同性戀來說，中國古代社會更加寬容，儒家也對同性戀問題只做泛指性教導，孔孟亦未曾對普通同性戀表明過徹底否定的觀點。如《論語·陽貨》中的「巧言令色，鮮兮仁」，《論語·季氏》中「損者三友。友便辟、友善柔、友便佞，損矣」，《孟子·盡心下》中「惡佞，恐其亂義也」在非洲和亞洲西部、南部的一些發展中國家，同性戀仍被視作一種違法行為，有的國家甚至將同性戀者處以極刑。隨著時代的進步，現代人普遍認為，同性戀是一種正常的性傾向，中國對同性戀人群的看法較為保守，將同性戀非刑事化、非病理化，但不承認同性伴侶任何關係。不可否認的是，現今，雖然歐洲許多國家(包括法國、西班牙等天主教傳統國家)同性婚姻已經完全合法。但同性戀被人們唾棄以及排斥，則必然是歷史發展的必然趨勢。

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Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike x Carnage - All The Things She Said 所有話語

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And I'm all mixed up
而我感到五味雜陳

Feeling cornered and rushed
被逼至絕路

They say it's my fault
所有人都認為是我的錯

But I want her so much
但我是如此渴望她

Wanna fly her away
想帶她遠走高飛

Where the sun and rain
一起離開這邊

Come in over my face
照耀我的臉龐

Wash away all the shame
洗淨所有不悅

When they stop and stare
當大家謾罵指點

Don't worry me
妳也無須擔心

Cause I'm feeling for her
因為我對她的愛

What she's feeling for me
和她對我的情相同

I can try to pretend
我能試圖假裝

I can try to forget
我能試圖忘卻

But it's driving me mad
但我仍憤怒無比

Going out of my head
想要徹底宣洩

All the things she said
所有她說的話

All the things she said
所有的話語

Running through my head
充斥我的腦袋

Running through my head
從腦中閃過

Running through my head
就這樣出現

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
她說過的話

Running through my head
充斥我的腦中

Running through my head
從腦海閃過

All the things she said
所有她說的話

This is not enough
這還沒結束

This is not enough
這還不是終點

All the things she said
所有她說的話

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
她說過的話

Running through my head
充斥我的腦中

All the things she said
所有她說的話

All the things she said
所有的話語

Running through my head
充斥我的腦袋

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
她說過的話

Running through my head
不斷地出現

Running through my head
從腦海閃過

Running through my head
不斷地閃過

Mother looking at me
母親 請看著我

Tell me what do you see?
告訴我妳看到了什麼?

Yes, I've lost my mind
沒錯 我已經失去理智了

Daddy looking at me
父親 請看著我

Will I ever be free?
我會得到自由嗎?

Have I crossed the line?
我已經越過屆線了嗎?

All the things she said
所有她說的話

All the things she said
所有的話語

Running through my head
充斥我的腦袋

Running through my head
從腦中閃過

Running through my head
就這樣出現

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
她說過的話

Running through my head
充斥我的腦中

Running through my head
從腦海閃過

All the things she said
所有她說的話

This is not enough
這還沒結束

This is not enough
這還不是終點

All the things she said
所有她說的話

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
所有的話語

All the things she said
她說過的話

Running through my head
不斷地出現

Running through my head
從腦海閃過

Running through my head
不斷地閃過

歌詞翻譯by Ray

李杰明 W.M.L Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_BJh1Mu7PPeS2THyw0DMZOYBOhYS2EAx
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SKRpresents IG: https://www.instagram.com/skrpresents/
Listen: https://www.soundscape.net/a/10382
MV BTS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJfCZ111Vck&list=PLK32k4idPxMOucgQR3PpToiadISmx9cuE&index=50
_______________________________________________________
詞：李杰明 W.M.L
曲：李杰明 W.M.L
編制：陶山 Skot Suyama
導演：Michael Li

這次沒有標題
This Time, No Title

雙手冰冷 我沒有精神
My hands turn cold, I lost my will
我想念我乾媽靠近我額頭上的親吻
I miss my god mother's kiss on my forehead
在軍中聽著
In the army now
又有了新的 沒邏輯的規則
There are so many nonsensical rules
我拼著 內心的拼圖 是瓦解的規格
my heart is like a puzzle that's falling apart
我傷著我的心強迫自己服從
I'm forcing myself to obey by numbing my heart
一大堆蒼蠅只不過前面加個無頭
People around me running around without knowing what they are busy for

你所謂的紀律 會不會是戲劇
Are these rules just jokes?
做一堆膚淺的事真的是你的興趣？
Is being busy with meaningless things really life?
長官說的‘’繼續‘’ 內心裡的‘’地獄‘’
They said don't think too much, just do it!
這句話不是誇飾 其實也不是譬喻
Turn off my brain make my life a living hell
在馬桶嘔吐傷心 是我自己不當心
I'm sad and miserable
我們在這充滿思念充滿質疑
With the brain that couldn't shut up
但是班長卻要訓練我們成為合格的步槍兵
But they said they are gonna make us into a useful human

報告班長 報告連長 報告營長 也報告旅長
Yes sir yes sir yes sir yes sir
我的腦袋已停止成長 我的思念變一座焚場
My brain has been shut down
可能這是一種對外界的逃避
Maybe I successfully ran away from society
看看以前無法獨立的我多麼淘氣
Look at me with the independent thinking but still a failure
怎麼可以這一瞬間突然覺得
How come I started to believe
我以前複雜的感情全都毫無意義
Everything about my doubtful mind are all just meaningless

這次沒有標題 沒有一切的消息
This time I have no title I can't hear anything from outside
我失去思考的能力 我只剩百感交集
I lost my thoughts only emotion are left
沒有標題 沒有消息
No title no problem
百感交集 因為道理所以著急
Complicated feeling, anxious when I try to think


班長其實對我都很好
Actually I'm doing well
這卻是最恐怖的事情是混亂的引導
But that's the scariest part
不自由卻快樂 所謂的自由是真的好
Lost my freedom to think but I'm happy?
藉由服從得到的快樂已植入我的腦
Obeying and getting happiness so what does freedom mean?
我生氣是因為混亂 生悶氣怎麼辦
I'm angry because my thoughts are fighting each other
是爭議？ 往前看！
Arguing? Going forward
思維都已封閉 人們都變懶散
Shut myself down, I start to get lazy
別再騙自己這叫作最高標準
Don't lie to myself, this is best human standard
一切都行為舉止都只是最糟消沈
Everything is just falling apart
不自由的框架也依然要抬頭教人
In the frame that other people created for us
算了吧就是份工作你也依然要忍
Forget it, this is life you just have to take it
雖然外面社會一堆的智障
Even society is full of failure
但在裡面我也只能被思念給壓著
But it's my right to fail
其他情緒無法自由釋放
It's my rights to let all of my emotion free
我們其實都是看得見事物的瞎子
We are all blind with the ability to see
我害怕出去 但我必須出去
I'm afraid to be alive and make mistakes but I have to
因為我更害怕 我還活著但生活彷彿死去
Because I’m more afraid that I’m alive but not actually living for myself
_______________________________________________________
Assistant: Rayson
Hair & Makeup : Renée Chen 陳嘉唯

Post Comp Questions and Answers

1. How did you feel post comp felt?
i had the blues.. cause after the comp, my goal kinda ended. I was rather lost, cause the routine was broken. I felt goalless but that was important to let the body rest. I got enough rest physically i'd say, but mentally maybe not quite. Life continued, with work and everything else. Nature of my job, it's rather hard to take a break. But i'm making it work.

2.Did you manage to maintain your comp physique?
No. cause3 e everywhere fb er reed I ate food i usually avoided, so i bloated after 3 days.. My weight on comp day was 53kg but i'm currently at about 57.7kg, which I don't really mind. i was only suppose to cheat for one whoolllle day right after comp. But to the dismay of my coach to about 3 days. Then I tried to get back on track. I'm not going to say it's impossible to maintain an aesthetic physique, cause it is possible, but its up to how you want to live YOUR lifestyle. In order to maintain the body i had for comp, i have to keep up with the lifestyle. But i want to say that is my norm because I'm more aware on the food choices I make for MY body. Klootype.

3.Did you finally meet my coach?
Yes I did, I wasn't as emotional as i thought i would be. I'm just being the drama queen in my head.

4. What was the first thing i ate after comp?
A burger, fries , waffles, pancakes,

5. What was my Food/Macros like post Comp?
i went back to 1550-1600cals. The breakdown is the most important part.
Comp season - I was on 50g of carbs and below. Protein intake was very high and my fat was somewhere in the middle.
Off season - i'm on 70-75g of carbs. Protein is still higher than fat, but i'm allowing myself to have a bit more fat than before. You'd be surprise that an extra 20g of carbs is a lot! For example before if i were to eat about 7 rice cakes i would hit my 50g of carbs. But now i'm allowed up to 12 rice cakes for 75g of carbs.
I know numbers may seem like a pain, but like i said it's about making smarted choices and knowing how to manipulate food for your body.
On 75g of carbs, i noticed i didn't have as much definition as i did prior to 50g of carbs.

6.How will I do things differently?
My training program, i leave it up entirely to my coach.
I'm adding EMS to my training sessions now. 1-2 a week as prescribed by my coach.


Ensure my costume is ready a month in advance.

I'm going to make sure that makeup is all done in the morning and not 2-3 hours before. How i carb load up would also be different.

7. What's your motivation?
I want to get Top 5!

I am my motivation. My family is my motivation. I do the things that I do because i believe that God has a higher purpose for me and I know that it has something to do with helping others. Fitness and Mental wellness goes hand in hand. Doing this comp gears me to improve myself. If I can put myself through this anyone else can. Nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of whether you are willing to sacrifice certain things.


Would i recommend someone to join a comp?
Yes! While competing may not be for everyone, but I do recommend it, because what you learn from the process is so worth it. I've said it before, you get a better understanding of yourself and your body. Having said that, I highly recommend for girls who are about to start taking part to find a good coach that knows about nutrition, training regimes and hormones well. Girls who I hear are eating 1000 calories or even doing cardio for 2 hours in a day, well... I reserve my comments but there is always an alternative and healthier ways to get ready aesthetically, without causing harm to your body.

Will I Compete Again?
Yes I will. I'm aiming for a show in 3months time. This will be a lot harder and a much bigger stage.

I have a different mindset going into this second comp. The first time, i went in with the mind, die die, i'm going to do it. In the past 2 and half months, I toyed with the idea of competing again. It was like as if I could choose not to do it and I could. Cause i've already gone through the challenge why do it again?? I have other priorities in life no?

I will do another comp because I want a new challenge. I want to learn more. Sure there are many ways of getting life lessons, but I found this journey to be a beneficial one. I'm going in this comp, cause I want to beat me!

I conquered the inner demons in my first comp. I have more amo and armour now - which are the knowledge and experience. So i want to try and take it a step further. How far can i challenge my physique, with all the external factors around me. I want to how to handle a stressful situations better.